From Day one, there are elements of production requiring “the hush”; Looks like we got financing, but don’t say anything. Looks like we locked actor, but don’t say anything. Looks like one of the financiers is bouncing checks, but don’t say anything. Looks like the entire Public School system banned us from filming on any school property, but don’t say anything. Looks like we had guns shooting at us on location, but don’t say anything. Looks like we lost a primary actor three days from their scenes, but don’t say anything. Looks like we ran out of money, but don’t say anything. Looks like we raised more money, but don’t say anything. Looks like we have to replace a crew member, but don’t say anything. Looks like we won another grant, but don’t say anything. Looks like we got Int’l Sales Reps, but don’t say anything. Looks like we’re doing a screening, but don’t say anything. Looks like we bled to near death, but please don’t say anything. Looks like we got into Berlinale, but you gotta keep it on “hush”–don’t say anything.

The month leading up to Berlin’s press announcement of its roster for the 2011 Film Festival, was crackpot nutbags for us. I went into hiding. No joke. I hung out in London at Zoe’s flat for the entire month. I wrote my last blog in her living room, while I was on the “Berlin hush”. I hid in every Gallery and Museum that city holds. Just plum stayed outta the States. Why, because it’s a nasty kinda horrendous to withhold information from people who care about your plight and more importantly participated in your film’s survival. But we were on le’ grandest ‘hush” of all. We had to mum the drum, terrified of news getting leaked and “Yelling” getting the Dieter boot.

Around December 12th, we started checking the wire at o’dark thirty. We didn’t know the announcement day, we only knew it was that week. We got daily grief counseling letters, because another top tier festival announced the week prior. When Yelling to the Sky wasn’t on that list, Billy Mulligan and I, were roundhouse tackled with “What Happened?!” Bins of emails deducing ‘Yelling got the gas-face.’ (One journalist, Tambay at Shadow and Act, calmly intuited more would be revealed.)

Mahoney & DP Reed Morano - Photo by Andre Lambertson

The advantage to stages of “hush” is, the circumstance, whatever it may be, gets to harvest privately. There’s no external clutter of unsolicited advice. There’s this unpredictable-indescribable phase of quiet. A most bizarre gift. Up until the moment info goes public, on production level or press level, whereby the topic fully becomes up for grabs.

As is, with the [film] itself.

We make this film, and spend a minimum-average of twelve months, walking the Earth holding this [private] knowing before its release.

Once the film is let loose, it no longer belongs to [we] who nurtured it.

It isn’t ours to defend or justify. It is ours only — to offer. It is ours simply — to share.

Once that “hush” is broken, once our internal grows external, what’s a filmmaker to do?

We most likely begin the what ifs. What if, the contents of this film are acutely personal? What if, we reflected life’s flaws through an aim of non perfect execution? What if, our team gave everything and the receivers-receive merely a portion? What if, a few of the topics we chose to speak on aren’t desirable to hear. What if, the pencil pushers try to say “no one buys tickets for this particular protagonist”? What if, the marketers try to say “no one globally cares about–these people?”.

Or WHAT IF, you create from a place of an intrinsic “hush”? What if, when the Industry hurls statistics, you ignore ever last word and move according to the instincts you got when you wrote the 1st word, found the 1st nickel, hired the 1st cast, found the 1st crew, locked the 1st locale, did the 1st fitting, shot the 1st frame, squawked the 1st “action”, grinned the 1st “cut”, checked the 1st gate, made the 1st day, cut the 1st rough, had the 1st screening and   finished   your   1st   film.

The day before we locked picture, my team and I, took pause and decided what if, we continue moving to a “Universal hush” and offer up the 1st American film about a mixed race-teen-female-protagonist. However much of that does, or doesn’t translate.

On that note Catt Mamas and Catt Daddies, can we stop the f*cking train!

How’s about we spend five seconds bowing down to every gottdamn Indie filmmaker, w o r l d w i d e 2010 who made it to: deliverables. Whether we know or hear their name. Whether or not we connect to their content. Let us bow down to their survival in the face of an Industry that does not readily support independent-off the beaten-left of the dial-purposefully non formulaic-creative expression.

Would you like to know how many backs I stood on, to crawl here?!

Let us go to the beginning of motion capture. Buyer beware, Muybridge wasn’t initially aiming to crack the cosmic code and present a new medium of artistry. Equine enthusiast, Gov’ Stanford was in a five year debate (of which my belly smells, a “gamble”, a “wager” if ya will). So Homeboy, hires Muybridge to detect if, indeed all four legs of le’ horsey come off the ground when in stride and ta-da, there’s the birth of film as we know it.

If we factor the entire stretch of time from the day Muybridge shot that 1st frame, up to the present;

How many filmmakers lived their whole life, without a lick of resources to supplement their vision?

How many filmmakers with badass exceptional non linear concepts were discarded?

Zoe Kravitz (SWEETNESS) & Director Victoria Mahoney on set

How many filmmakers of flavor were treated invisible?

How many filmmakers lost gigs due to perceptions of gender capability?

How many filmmakers kindhearted, quit from being bullied by non creatives?

How many filmmakers drowned in utter obscurity, asphyxiating on their talent as it went unacknowledged?

Counting from 1877 to 2010. How many filmmakers went un-nourished?

I fight to the motherf*cking tooth because my being is a recipe carved somewhat, from that list. I stitch my wounds and mind my footing with micro awareness to how many carcasses it took, long before 1877, to build a path.

Here’s to 1st time filmmakers, may we thrive amidst all the hush.

If you’re headed for competition in Germany this February, I tip my hat to you and your team. Look for me. Feel comfortable to say Hello, and tell me the particular of “why” you fought. So that later on, perhaps years from now, if our vision starts to go and we’re heading down a dark road–I can remind you of your “why” and you can remind me of mine.

Paz, Victoria